Though Evangelical preacher Sister Cindy – a.k.a. Cindy Smock – may have intended to spread the good word of abstinence (the official contraceptive of Y2K Disney Channel) to the students at Louisiana State University (LSU) earlier this month, and her message about margaritas and penis pouncing may have gotten a bit lost in translation.


Last week, Smock, who has long evangelized at college campuses across the country encouraging students to be a “Ho No Mo,” went viral on social media after inadvertently offering a rousing speech on how margaritas are the ultimate secret to getting laid.



“If you buy her one margarita, she will spread her legs,” Smock told a crowd of students, her sentiments sparking uproarious applause. “If you buy her two margaritas, she will pounce right on your penis,” she continued, the crowd cheering even louder at the promise of triple-sec-fueled pussy.


But the marg-to-sex pipeline didn’t stop there. “After three margaritas, she will grab your penis and put it in her mouth,” Smock added, noting that four margaritas will result in this aforementioned horny, marg-fueled woman to “grab your penis and ram it right up her anus.”


Greeted with roaring applause yet again – anal is always worth a standing ovation – she concluded with the question on everyone’s mind: What happens after the mysterious fifth margarita?


“She will strap it on and peg you!” she shouted, the crowd climaxing with applause.

 

Though Smock remained tight-lipped on what happens after the mythical sixth margarita, we can only hope in ends with one of us in the sex cube.